Should You Pay Kids for Chores? Pocket Money That Works

Should you pay children for chores?

It is one of the most argued questions in parenting, and both camps have a point. Paying for chores mirrors adult life: work is done, money is earned. Not paying protects something else: the idea that a family is a team, and that you clear your plate because you live here, not because there is a fee.

The UK's MoneyHelper service puts the trade-off plainly. Tying pocket money to chores can teach that money usually has to be worked for, but it can conflict with wanting children to help without being paid. You do not have to pick a side. The approach that works in most homes is to split jobs into two kinds and treat them differently.

Team jobs are the everyday things each person does to keep the household running: making a bed, setting the table, feeding the pet. They are never paid, for children or adults. Extra jobs are larger, optional tasks that go beyond a child's normal share, such as washing the car or weeding a path. Those can be paid, to an agreed standard, on an agreed day.

Once the two buckets are clear, the famous question "How much will you give me?" has a calm answer: "Team jobs aren't for sale. Want to see what's on the extra jobs board?"

Are chores actually good for children?

The evidence is encouraging. Cornell University's Bronfenbrenner Center summarises a study in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics that followed nearly 10,000 children who started kindergarten in 2010 and 2011. Children who did more chores in kindergarten scored higher in third grade on measures of academic ability, peer relationships and life satisfaction. A second study it describes, from the Australian Occupational Therapy Journal, found that children aged 5 to 13 who did more household chores had better working memory and inhibitory control. Studies like these show associations, not proof of cause, but they point in the same direction.

Professional bodies agree on the practical benefits. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says children who do chores may show higher self-esteem, be more responsible and be better equipped to deal with frustration and delayed gratification. There is a plainer argument as well: a twelve-year-old who can cook an egg and run a wash becomes a twenty-year-old who can live independently.

What chores suit which age?

Most chore battles are sizing problems: the job is too big, too vague or beyond small hands. The American Academy of Pediatrics, on healthychildren.org, lists bed making, setting and clearing the table and putting toys away for five to seven-year-olds, adds vacuuming and helping with dinner from eight to ten, and laundry, changing sheets and cleaning the kitchen or bathroom at eleven and twelve. It also warns against demanding perfection or overloading children, which makes them resist altogether.

Use the table as a starting point and adjust for your child. Keep chores to minutes on a school day, and keep young children away from strong cleaning products, sharp knives and heat.

How do you teach a chore so it sticks?

One quick demonstration is not training. At Bodhih we teach adult trainers a four-step handover for any practical skill, and it works just as well in a kitchen.

• I do, you watch: do the job slowly and explain why each part matters.
• We do it together: hand over the easy parts first.
• You do, I watch: stay close with your hands behind your back and help only when asked.
• You do, I check later: look afterwards and say what you see.

What does 'done' look like, and how fussy should you be?

Before you start, agree what finished means in three points or fewer. For a tidy room: floor clear, bed made, dirty clothes in the basket. Then hold the line on the hardest part, which is accepting a result that is good enough for their age. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises praising the effort a child puts into each task rather than the outcome. If the job meets the three points, it is done. Do not redo it in front of them.

When it falls short, send it back without drama: "Two out of three. What's missing?" Let them find it. A child who works out the missing step has learned more than one who watched you fix it.

Which pocket money model should you choose?

There are three workable models. What fails is drifting between them.

For most children from about eight, the hybrid gives the best of both: a small, reliable amount to manage, a clear expectation of unpaid help, and a way to earn more through effort. Younger children usually do well on a simple allowance.

How much pocket money should a child get?

There is no correct figure, and published averages differ from country to country and survey to survey. MoneyHelper's guidance is that there is no fixed amount: it depends on your budget and your child's age, and the key is to give money regularly, because that is what lets a child learn to save and budget. It suggests weekly money for younger children and a monthly amount for older ones who are ready to plan further ahead.

Three questions will get you to a number. What must the money cover: treats only, or also presents for friends and game spending? What can you pay every single week, including the tight months? And is it enough to make choices real, but small enough that choices are needed? A modest amount paid without fail teaches more than a generous amount paid now and then.

For paid extras, a simple star system keeps pricing fair. Rate each extra job as one, two or three stars for effort, agree what one star is worth, and pay only when the job has been checked.

How do Save, Spend and Give jars work?

Young children think with their eyes and hands, so make money visible. On pocket money day, pay in small coins and have your child split them between three clear containers before anything is spent. Save is for a goal that costs more than one week's money. Spend is theirs to use within family rules. Give is for other people: a charity tin, a present, a school collection. A common starting split is four, five and one out of every ten, but agree your own.

The US Consumer Financial Protection Bureau's Money As You Grow programme names earning, saving, planning and shopping among the core money ideas for school-age children, and suggests parents think out loud about their own money decisions so children hear the reasoning. Jars put those ideas on the kitchen shelf.

Add a savings goal with simple arithmetic: cost divided by weekly saving equals weeks to wait. Keep the wait realistic: two to four weeks at five or six, up to a couple of months at ten. Waiting is a skill that develops with practice. Harvard's Center on the Developing Child describes the mental skills behind it, known as executive function, as working like an air traffic control system, and stresses that nobody is born with them.

What should you do when a child refuses, or says it isn't fair?

Refusal is information. Pause and lower your voice. Check whether they really know how to do the job and whether something else is going on. Then state the natural order of events once: "When the table is set, then we eat." Follow through calmly and say no more.

Avoid four tempting moves: paying more to end the fuss, docking the base pocket money, doing the job yourself with a sigh, and lecturing. Docking the allowance is the big one. It turns a learning tool into a wage and invites bargaining.

On fairness between siblings, replace "equal" with "fits your age, and everyone knows the rule". Write down how money and jobs grow each birthday so the younger child can see what is coming and the older one can see what their extra money is for. Rotate the unpopular jobs. If you want to check how you handle decisions like these, the Money Decision Judgment assessment on AssessAll gives you realistic scenarios to test yourself against, and Jobulary's article on if-then plans shows how to script your own calm response in advance.

If you would like the whole system ready to print, the Chore Champs and Pocket Money kit from Bodhih Training includes 48 illustrated chore cards by age, chore charts, jar labels, a savings thermometer, play money, a board game, a fillable family agreement and a ledger spreadsheet that works in any currency.